My Spiritual Journey - Part One

When I was nine years old, my heart felt convicted by the Holy Spirit of God during a revival service my family and I were attending at our church. I did not go to the altar for I was shy and didn't want to go by myself, however, deep inside I really wanted to. I was very quiet on the way home and my mother took notice. When we got home, my mother took me aside and asked me if I wanted to ask Jesus to come into my heart. The tears started flowing and I shook my head. She took me back to her bedroom and she talked to me a few minutes and then we knelt by her bed and prayed. When we were through, she and I both had tears in our eyes and smiled at each other. I remember feeling extremely happy and free!

It was a school night and it was already late when we got home, so I went to bed after we finished praying. I was too excited to go to sleep. I had all kinds of thoughts and questions about Jesus and I kept getting out of bed to go ask my mom. Finally, after several times of my getting up, she laughed and said she was glad I wanted to know these things, but that I really needed to go to sleep and we'd talk about it some more tomorrow. It still took me a long time to go to sleep! I enjoyed church more than ever before. These were the times before children's church came along. We had Sunday school and Church service. I really paid attention in both.

Now, let's jump a few years to age 13. I had started losing interest in church and was more interested in boys. I got tired of hearing the same old sermons, tired of reading my Bible, liked worldly music better than the boring old hymns. But, my parents made us all go to church until we were age 18 and then they let us make our own choice to attend. All my teen years were such a struggle with wanting to live for the Lord, but being pulled by the world.

Part of me had Spiritual questions that I really didn't know how to ask. I always had that little bit of faith in me and would come back to it over and over again. Yet, I wondered, isn't there more than this? How do I grow in my relationship with Jesus? What am I supposed to do? Aren't I suppose to feel different? Where's the joy? Where's the peace? Where's the love? How do I apply the Bible to my life today? The only preaching I can honestly remember is about the Gospel and being saved! I thought, "Okay, I'm saved, now what?" What do I do to keep the fire burning?

I got married at 19 and my husband and I went to church but not on a regular basis. This preacher preached feel good sermons. I felt really great after each service. I thought, "Wow, this is great, a preacher that's not going over the same stuff I already know. Get saved or go to hell!" This preacher was telling us how to let our lights shine and about peace and joy flooding our souls, but it still didn't make a lot of practical sense to me, because he didn't really tell us HOW to apply it to our DAILY lives. I longed for answers but didn't know where to get them, so they got put on the back burner for a while.

In part two I will talk about where and how I found my answers.