Searching the Truth in My Heart

I was looking through my notebook that I have written in for many years and came across the following. It wasn't dated, but from some of the things I wrote, it was while my daughter was still a young girl.

What is my purpose in this life God gave to me?

I believe it is to be reconciled to Him. He gave me life and free will that I would freely choose to give Him back my life for His molding.

When I was nine years old I knew the need of Christ and freely asked Him to come into my heart. I remember feeling a lifting of my heart, a joy and excitement unexplained. However, as I physically grew older, I spiritually declined, putting spiritual things out of my mind and tending to the worldly things...career, making money to obtain material things. I wanted to make my own decisions. Basically I wanted what I wanted. I was extremely selfish.

After I was married for five years, I had a baby girl. My heart's desire changed to be a homemaker. I couldn't do it because I had too many debts and had to keep working. I was miserable for many years because of this. In my heart I had given my daughter to God and promised Him I would raise her to know Him, to pray, to sing songs to Him. I read the Bible to her and prayed with her, but hadn't given Him back my life. I was still controlling my own life and it kept getting worse. My marriage fell apart.

When I remarried, it was on unsteady ground because we were not living for God. I finally came to my senses and gave it all to God. Not just my problems, but my whole life. I asked His forgiveness and wanted to change.

In God's great mercy and love, he cleansed me and unbeknownst to me at the same time, he cleansed my husband. As we read Christian books along with the Bible, the desire to live a holy life burned inside me. The desire to please God had a grip on me.

I began to see I was nothing compared to the Biblical command of a Godly woman and wife. I desired to be that kind. I have struggled on this one and had to ask for God's help many times. I still have a long way to go, but I'm not intending to turn back. It's a rough road, but well worth it!

I sometimes feel as if I should be doing something for God and then He reminds me that I already am doing something for Him. I am obeying His word of being a good wife and helper to my husband, taking care of the house, teaching and raising my daughter in the ways of the Lord. I am responsible in making sure she knows the right road to follow when she is grown.

Thank you Lord!

It was interesting to read this again. I had forgotten about even writing this. Now I look back and can see God's blessing upon my life. Even though my first marriage failed, my ex-husband and I are friends. In fact, his wife and their three boys, his parents and a sister, came to visit my daughter this past summer. We all attended a church singing together. This was a very special moment in my daughter's life, because it was the gospel group she plays in and it was the first time that her dad and his family had seen her play. All our hearts were filled with such joy and love. God can turn bad things into good. My ex-father-in-law even told my now husband that we did a good job in raising her.

The Lord is Good!